Am I too independent for a relationship?

For the past year, I’ve been extremely busy during my free time. My weekends are booked for weeks, even months ahead with meetings with friends, travelling, theater and other events. I have already learnt that if I want to do something, I have to decide a day for it as soon as possible, because otherwise there won’t be time for it.

I’m also very self-sufficent: for me it’s no problem to go alone to a movie or a play, for example. Heck, I even went to France for a weekend recently just by myself! Usually, if I want to do something, I first look at my calendar and decide a day, when I have time for the thing, and then I might tell my friends: “I’m doing X on that day, you are free to join me if you want”. Of course, if one of my friends says that they’d love to come with me, but they can’t on that day, I’m willing to change my plans if we can find a better date that suits us both, but if not, then I go alone.

Obviously, if I’ve planned to do something especially with my friend, then I have to take their schedules into account too. I’ve noticedthough, that finding time that suits both can be tricky. And then it might be so that I don’t get to do the thing at all (if we were going to see a movie or a play for example).

For most parts, I don’t mind doing things by myself. Only if I’ve planned to do something with my friends, and then it takes longer than expected for my friends to show up, I might start to feel abandonend. Usually these are situations, where we haven’t agreed very exact time, when we are meeting, and I might have been ready and waiting for my friends to arrive or call me about the schedule for hours.

I think that this habbit of making plans and then just announcing them to people works quite well with friends and relatives, as long as I’m not expecting anything from them. Obviously, if I’m planning on spending the night at someone’s place, for example, I can’t just announce that by the way, I’m coming on this day, be ready for me… ๐Ÿ˜€ But, since I’m always thinking about dating and relationships, I’m a bit worried about how my future boyfriend is going to react to this habbit of mine.

Of course, if we had something planned, I wouldn’t just one-sidedly change the plans and say that I’m doing this instead. But for example, if we were both free for the weekend, and there were a movie I’d like to see in the cinema, I think I might just say: “I’m going to see that, you’re free to come too if you want”. Would that be too independent and not taking my partner into consideration enough?

On the other hand I would find it weird to “ask permission” in a way, to do things, and I don’t have the need to spend all the time together with my partner. This is something I have wondered with my parents also. My dad has a hobby that keep him busy during weekends for 2-3 months every autumn, and my mom often complains how they can’t do anything during this time because my dad’s hobby. The thing that I don’t understand is, why she doesn’t make plans on her own for that period then. It’s not like she wouldn’t know when the period starts. But maybe I just don’t understand that because I’ve never been in a relationship…

Thank you for reading!

Bye!

I’m not a fangirl

My view of what being a fangirl is, and why I don’t consider myself as one.

Over the past four or five years, I have gotten more into fandoms and fan culture, and even though I’ve been totally obsessed about several actors, I have never considered myself a fangirl. That’s mainly because there are some aspects that I link with being a fangirl (and a fanboy) that I don’t really like. I’d like to emphasise that this is just how I see being a fangirl, and it isn’t necessarily an accurate description and definetely not all fangirls are like this.

For the sake of simplicity, I’m going to talk only about actors, but this can be applied to other celebrities as well.

For me there is a clear distinction between simply liking an actor and admiring their work, and being a fangirl. This distinction is, that if you simply like an actor, you might want to see more of their work, but you don’t automaticly like all their work, whereas to me it seems that fangirls tend to follow blindly their object of adoration. Their favourite actor can do nothing wrong, and they watch all the works of their favourite actor, no matter if they actually like it or not. If there is a contest where audience gets to vote for the best actor/tv-show etc, they automaticly vote for their idol, even though they don’t even know the other candidates. How can they know that what they voted for is the best, if they don’t even know what the other candidates are like?

I’d like to make it clear that I don’t think there’s nothing wrong in wanting to watch more work from your favourite actor, and even try new genres because of that. But if you only watch a tv-show or a movie, because of that one actor, even though you don’t like it, that’s what I have a problem with. I understand that not everyone can like everything and that’s fine. But watching a tv-show you don’t really like, only because your favourite actor is in it, and stopping to follow it the minute they leave the show, feels like disrespecting the hard work of all the other people who take part in making that tv-show. Like their efforts mean nothing to you. Yes, the show can change during the years and even turn into something that you don’t like, even though you would have loved it before, but just one person leaving the show shouldn’t suddenly make it so bad you can’t watch it anymore.

This thing has been bothering me especially much lately, because I feel like I have started to develop these “fangirl qualities” with my newest celebrity obsession, Aidan Turner. At first I noticed him in tv-show Poldark, and started to follow that show, even though I don’t normally watch historical tv-shows. When the show went on, I started to get really annoyed with the plot and the main characters, but kept watching the show, because I hoped it would get better. Then the second season ended and I wanted to see more of Aidan’s work. Most of it isn’t easily available in Finland, but I managed to find Being human on Netflix. I wasn’t really intersted in it, but desided to give it a go anyway. Now, after the first season I know that it’s too dark and gory for my taste, but I keep watching it anyway. My problem is, that I’ve understood that Aidan’s character leaves the show after third season, and I don’t know if I want to watch the show after that… I kind of feel like I should watch the rest of the show too, and there is only 14 episodes combined in the seasons 4 and 5, so maybe I will.

I’d like to make it clear, that I’m not really saying that people shouldn’t behave like this, because it’s none of my business. If people aren’t hurting anyone or breaking laws with their choises they are free to do as they please. I have no right to say whether someone’s reasons to watch or not to watch a tv-show or a movie are right or wrong. My problem is more about that I don’t want to behave that way,ย  and with this post I’m trying to solve the conflict within me when I notice I’m doing exctly that.

Thank you for reading.

Pursuing your dreams and return on investment

Last night I had an interesting conversation with my friend about pursuing one’s dreams and return on investment. It became a strangely mathematical and economical conversation. My friend felt that if you really want something,ย  it’s worth putting all your time, energy and other necessary resources towards achieving that thing. I, on the other hand, felt quite differently about this.

Continue reading “Pursuing your dreams and return on investment”

About selfcare and time management

A post about self care, money and hobbies.

In this post I promised that I would write more about my bullet journal. I have realised though, that there is actually only one spread I’d like to write about. My bullet journal consists mainly ofย  monthly and weekly spreads, which are basic content of every bullet journal, and some spreads for plans I don’t want to share. So, this post is going to be about one spread I call ” Thoughts about time management in 2017″. It’s basically divided in two gategories.

Continue reading “About selfcare and time management”

Taking back control

Explaining my efforts to get more in control of my life.

One day in January I realised, that one reason why I didn’t feel happy about my life in 2016, was that I felt that my life was out of my control. By that I don’t mean that I would have lived recklessly. What I mean is, that I felt like other people made decisions about my life and I didn’t have a say in it. For example. during spring I applied for dozens of jobs, but ended up only getting the jobs I didn’t apply for, but which were offered to me by someone I knew. I probably should be proud about that, but I mainly feel that I had to take those jobs, because I didn’t have any other plans.

So, I decided in January, that I want to take back control over my life. I know there are a lot of things I can’t control, but there are also things that I can control, most importantly my time management. There are so many things I want to do, or want to do more, but it feels like I don’t have time for them. And then I end up playing some silly online games or channel surfing for hours… So, I decided to make more of an effort to actually do the things I want to do, instead of wasting my time on something unimportant.

To help me with this goal, I started bullet journaling. If you don’t know what that is about, you can find some information here. At first I tried to follow the original layout and instructions, but it didn’t really work for me. Now I think I have found quite a good monthly layout for me, but my weekly and/or daily layouts are still a work in progress. I’m not 100% sure that this method of journaling and organising my days is the best for me though. I feel that I would prefer a more traditional calendar or planner, but with plenty of room for daily notes, while still showing one week in one spread and being small enough to carry in a handbag. Monthly views would be quite usefull too… (Now I’m just dreaming.) But we’ll see how this bullet journal thing will work out.

The other thing is, that my bullet journal is only for my personal life, and I feel that there isn’t that many tasks for me to write down. I then end up writing down even the smallests of things, which seems a bit silly (though to be fair, more ofthen than not I would forget those small tasks if I hadn’t written then down…). In my professional life I think I could benefit more from using a bullet journal, but I feel like I wouldn’t have time to keep it. I need to do my work, not plan it.

One thing I absolutely love about bullet journal, is that it’s not only a calendar, it’s also a notebook. I haven’t used many notebooks before, because I think they are messy and it’s difficult to find anything from them. But in bullet journal you have an index and page numbers, so it should be easier to find things you have written down earlier. (I find it silly how revolutionary a thought about usng an index in a notebook felt to me… I mean, come on, it’s not like an index is a new thing or anything…)

I think I’d like to write more about what kind of things I put in my bullet journal, but this post is starting to be quite long already, so I think I leave it for another post.

Thanks for reading! ๐Ÿ™‚