It’s all lies!

A post about positive feedback and encouragement

I find it difficult to accept positive feedback and encouragement. When someone compliments me on something, I find myself thinking that they either don’t really mean what they say, and say it only to not to hurt my feelings, or that they are complementing me only because they are unaware of some facts that would make them change their minds.

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I don’t know which dream to pursue

Hi all!

For a long time, I have had three major dreams that I would like to achieve in my life:

  • Get married and have children, preferably three or four at least
  • Work as a dancer, a dance teacher or something else relating to dancing
  • Buy an appartment from central Helsinki

In theory, I could achieve all these dreams. They aren’t really contradictory, and in fact living in Helsinki would probably be beneficial for a career in dance, since that’s where most of the work opportunities in Finnish dance field are. But when I start to really think about what kind of adjustments to my life is needed to reach each of these dreams, I get the feeling that I’m only realy able to reach only one of these dreams, if even that…

Let’s start with the first one: Get married and have children. For this to come true I should start looking for a boyfriend more actively. To be honest,I woudn’t terribly mind that, but I just don’t know where I should be looking. I’m in the age where, if I want to date someone about my age or older, they are most likely already settled down and have a job and a life in the city they are currently living. Since I don’t want to stay permanently in the city I’m living  now, I don’t think there would be much sense to look for a partner here. Since I want to live in Helsinki in the future, it would seem like the most logical place to look for a partner, but that could mean living in a long distance relationship for an indefinite period of time, because I don’t have any idea when I would actually be able to move to Helsinki. Another option would be to look for a partner from anywhere in Finland, but then there is the “risk” that I fall in love with someone who already have a life somewhere else, and might not even want to move to Helsinki.

Then there is the second one: work as a dance professional. This I could achieve by studying dance or, if  I’m unable to get into a vocational dance school, I could still keep doing my dance projects on my free time and try to get into the professional dance field that way. But if I went back to studying or started to work in dance field, my income would most likely be considerably smaller than at the moment. This would then mean, that I woulnd’t be able to put as much money on my savings account for a apparment in Helsinki. Also I would probably need to postpone having children, and then I might not be able to have at least as many children as I would want.

Then htere is only the last one left: buying an appartment in central Helsinki. I have pretty much given up on my first dream, and the second one I consider achievable in theory, but highly unlikely. But the last one of my three big dreams I know I can achieve. All I have to do is save money and at some point find a job in Helsinki. It might take a while, but if I’m patient enough I can make it happend. This is why this dream feels maybe the least rewarding of the three: achieving it has nothing to do with my personal abilities and qualities and anybody could do it. But it’s the one that, to me, seems most likely to come true, so maybe that’s the one I should try to achieve.

I’d like to hear your comments and thoughts about dreams and how to keep achieving dreams that seem impossible or at least highly unlikely to ever come true.

Thank you for reading.

Bye!

I can’t make new friends – there must be something wrog with me

I have told here before that I only have a handful of friends, and I’m fine with that. But the fact that I haven’t been able to make new friends since leaving high school, makes me worry that there might be something wrong with me. I don’t feel like I need more friends, but when I feel that people don’t even want to be my friend, it makes me a bit sad.

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I just want to be alone

Lately I’ve been wondering, if I should be worrying about that I just want to be alone. Just a thought about meeting people is exhausting and I’d rather just spend my free time alone at home. But isolating myself from others like that can’t be healthy?

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I want to be in a relationship!

This week has been quite busy, so I have had time to write only one blog post this week. To be honest, next week doesn’t look any better either. Hopefully I’ll be able to get back to two posts per week schedule soon.

And now to the main subject to this post.

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My opinions don’t matter

I did a lot of thinking while writing my two previous blogposts, and I realised one thing: I can’t say my own opinion, because I feel like it doesn’t matter or it’s somehow inferior. I consider other people’s feelings and wants more than I consider my own. If I’m in a situation where only one person, me or the other person, can get what they want, I give up what I want so that the other person can get what they want.

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“Let me help you”

A post where I explain how other people’s well-meaning behaviour makes me feel like they are trying to control my life.

Last week I wrote about how my mother worries about me, and wants to take care of me by checking in with me regularly by calling or sending textmessages. I find this a bit restricting, because if I don’t answer, my mom tends to panic a bit, but I feel like I can’t really complain about it either, because she is ultimately doing it for my own good. One of my frieds also does sometimes this kind of similar thing that really frustrates me, even though she does it for my benefit.

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