Am I too independent for a relationship?

For the past year, I’ve been extremely busy during my free time. My weekends are booked for weeks, even months ahead with meetings with friends, travelling, theater and other events. I have already learnt that if I want to do something, I have to decide a day for it as soon as possible, because otherwise there won’t be time for it.

I’m also very self-sufficent: for me it’s no problem to go alone to a movie or a play, for example. Heck, I even went to France for a weekend recently just by myself! Usually, if I want to do something, I first look at my calendar and decide a day, when I have time for the thing, and then I might tell my friends: “I’m doing X on that day, you are free to join me if you want”. Of course, if one of my friends says that they’d love to come with me, but they can’t on that day, I’m willing to change my plans if we can find a better date that suits us both, but if not, then I go alone.

Obviously, if I’ve planned to do something especially with my friend, then I have to take their schedules into account too. I’ve noticedthough, that finding time that suits both can be tricky. And then it might be so that I don’t get to do the thing at all (if we were going to see a movie or a play for example).

For most parts, I don’t mind doing things by myself. Only if I’ve planned to do something with my friends, and then it takes longer than expected for my friends to show up, I might start to feel abandonend. Usually these are situations, where we haven’t agreed very exact time, when we are meeting, and I might have been ready and waiting for my friends to arrive or call me about the schedule for hours.

I think that this habbit of making plans and then just announcing them to people works quite well with friends and relatives, as long as I’m not expecting anything from them. Obviously, if I’m planning on spending the night at someone’s place, for example, I can’t just announce that by the way, I’m coming on this day, be ready for me… 😀 But, since I’m always thinking about dating and relationships, I’m a bit worried about how my future boyfriend is going to react to this habbit of mine.

Of course, if we had something planned, I wouldn’t just one-sidedly change the plans and say that I’m doing this instead. But for example, if we were both free for the weekend, and there were a movie I’d like to see in the cinema, I think I might just say: “I’m going to see that, you’re free to come too if you want”. Would that be too independent and not taking my partner into consideration enough?

On the other hand I would find it weird to “ask permission” in a way, to do things, and I don’t have the need to spend all the time together with my partner. This is something I have wondered with my parents also. My dad has a hobby that keep him busy during weekends for 2-3 months every autumn, and my mom often complains how they can’t do anything during this time because my dad’s hobby. The thing that I don’t understand is, why she doesn’t make plans on her own for that period then. It’s not like she wouldn’t know when the period starts. But maybe I just don’t understand that because I’ve never been in a relationship…

Thank you for reading!

Bye!

I shouldn’t be around other people

Hi all 🙂

Sorry, I didn’t post anything last week. I had quite a busy week but I had set a time when I thought I could write something. But when that time came, I was feeling a bit under the weather, and didn’t have the energy to consentrate on something so demanding. Or on anything really… But now I’m here again and feeling a lot better, so let’s get to today’s post.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be around people, because I end up unintentionally hurting their feelings or annoying them. I have written about feeling the need to isolate myself from other people already, but that was for different reasons. When I wrote about this before, the reason I felt I needed to be alone was, that I sometimes find other people’s company exhausting and need some alone time to rest. In this post I feel like I’m isolating myself from others for the sake of others, because I can’t help hurting them.

I started to think about this thing again last weekend when I was visiting my friend. We had an argument on the last day of my visit, because my behaviour annoyed my friend. I wasn’t trying to annoy her, and didn’t really consider my behaviour annoying, but apparently it was. And this made me think all the other times something like this has happened. For example last autumn I sent 2 or 3 nights at my other friend’s place. After the first night she asked me if I could set the sound of my alarm clock on my phone a bit quieter and also if I could make sure to close the door of her room quietly if I go to the loo during the night. She is a light sleeper and I felt awful for being so inconsiderate and not realising I was being too loud… Another example is from about a year ago when I were rehearsing for my dance school recital. After I had done my part I used to sit there and watch this other girl dance her part. I thought she danced well and often smiled to her encouragingly after she had finished. Or that’s what I thought I was doing, because one time she told me how she didn’t like that I was laughing at her after she had gone through her part. Again, I was horrified, because that’s the opposite of what I thought I was doing!

There are also numerous times that I have said something and realised only later that I might have hurt other people’s feelings unintentionally because my words could have been interpreted in a way I didn’t even realise when I said them. So just by being myself I offend and annoy other people and hurt their feelings. For me the easiest solution seems to be to spend less time with other people, because then there is less chances for me to hurt other people.

But am I being selfish again by choosing the solution that easiest for me. I feel like I’m saying that I can’t be bothered to take other people’s feelings into consideration and therefore I’m choosing the easiest way out. Respecting other people’s feelings and taking those into consideration is a basic part of human interaction, so I feel like I’m lazy and rude and selfsentered for not even trying. Though I have to say that I find my way better than just keep doing what your doing and hurting other people on the way. At least I’m trying to do something.

Thank you for reading. I’m not sure if I have time to write anything more this week, and the next week is going to be totally crazy, but I do my best to write something here soon.

Bye!

I can’t make new friends – there must be something wrog with me

I have told here before that I only have a handful of friends, and I’m fine with that. But the fact that I haven’t been able to make new friends since leaving high school, makes me worry that there might be something wrong with me. I don’t feel like I need more friends, but when I feel that people don’t even want to be my friend, it makes me a bit sad.

Continue reading “I can’t make new friends – there must be something wrog with me”

I just want to be alone

Lately I’ve been wondering, if I should be worrying about that I just want to be alone. Just a thought about meeting people is exhausting and I’d rather just spend my free time alone at home. But isolating myself from others like that can’t be healthy?

Continue reading “I just want to be alone”