Last night I had an interesting conversation with my friend about pursuing one’s dreams and return on investment. It became a strangely mathematical and economical conversation. My friend felt that if you really want something, it’s worth putting all your time, energy and other necessary resources towards achieving that thing. I, on the other hand, felt quite differently about this.
Last Saturday I wrote and posted quite a long story here. In that story I told about some emails my colleague sent me (not work-related) and tried to reflect why I reacted to those the way I reacted. But a few hours after posting it, I started to regret writing about that, and ended up deleting that post. Nobody saw that post, but I wanted to explain anyway, why I felt the need to take it down.
As I said, the emails I got from my colleague weren’t work-related, because if they had been, I would have never wrtitten about them. But I think they were still meant to be kept private, and the sender wouldn’t appreciate me telling the whole Internet about them. Even though I don’t think anyone elsecould recognise the sender, I was afraid that if they happened to find my post, it would hurt their feelings. And besides, you never know what things go viral on the Internet, and people seem to always have the opinion about who’s “the bad guy”, and I didn’t wan’t people blaming my colleague for what they did.
I want to make it clear that I don’t think my colleague did anything wrong, even though I wasn’t very happy about the emails.The purpose for my blogpsot was to reflect on my reaction to the emails and try to find out why I reacted to them the way I reacted. But maybe I can do that in private instead.
Some thoughts that a comment from my colleague made me think.
I was planning on writing something here yesterday, but ended up not writing anything. It was mainly because when I sat down to write I felt that I didnt have enugh time and I wasn’t able to consentrate enough to write the post I was planning to write. I feel the post is going to be quite long and it requires quite a lot of planning in order to be coherent and understandable, so I decided to postpone writing it until I have more time and energy to concentrate. But just when I was going to bed I came up with this little thing I could write about, so here you go. It’s a day later than planned but maybe it doesn’t matter.
So, last week I had this one meeting, and when I went to have luch after the meeting I ended up sitting at the same table with one of my colleagues from that meeting. There were our other colleagues there at the same table and at one point, one of them asked this colleague of mine, if he had had a good day so far. His answer was that how it could have been a bad day when he had spent the whole morning sitting across the table from me. This comment of his made me wonder one thing.
I have heard occasionally similar, some might call them semi-flirtatious (I’m not really sure if I should call this flirting, but since I don’t know what else to call it, I do), comments from men I meet regurlarly in my work. For example, in my previous job, I had this regular customer, who sometimes called me “Princess”. I never really mind these comments, but the thing is, they always come from men aged 50 or more. Why is it, that I never heard someone more around my age say these things to me?
Is it that I’m not really pretty enough to attract men’s attention, unless the men are so much older than me that it’s actually my youth that makes me attractive to them? Or is it that the age difference makes the flirting “saver”, because it’s more obvious that they don’t intend it to go anywhere further? I mean, with these men I can just brush it of by thinking that they don’t mean anything by that, and that they are just joking. But if someone I could imagine dating said these things to me, it would make me wonder, what does he mean by that, and is he interested in me or something, and it could lead to some akward situations, especially since these are men I work with.
So, this is what I have been thinking lately. If you have some theories about this, I’d love to hear them!
A post about self care, money and hobbies.
In this post I promised that I would write more about my bullet journal. I have realised though, that there is actually only one spread I’d like to write about. My bullet journal consists mainly of monthly and weekly spreads, which are basic content of every bullet journal, and some spreads for plans I don’t want to share. So, this post is going to be about one spread I call ” Thoughts about time management in 2017″. It’s basically divided in two gategories.
A short rant about how I can’t write clearly.
This might be a short post. I don’t have much time, but I really wanted to post something today. Also, I’m tired, and frustrated by my inability to write, and I need to vent.
I would like to be able to write clearly and coherently. I have so many thoughts I would like to write down, stories to tell and I would like to be able to make clear and tidy notes and plans in my bullet journal. Often I send time before I fall asleep or when I’m sitting in a buss planning the perfect way to write something so that it gets the message across clearly and efficiently.
But what happens when I actually sit down to write something? All my great plans vanish from my brain, and what I actually end up writing resembles a word vomit. My sentences are too long and incoherent, and more often than not I realise later that I forgot to write almost half of the things I was meant to write. I still do get my message across (most of the time), but I*m not happy with my text.
I realise that if I just keep writing, I’ll probably get better in it. You know: “Practise makes perfect” and all that… Also, my blogposts could probably benefit from some editing before posting. Usually I just try to write what’s in my head, proof read it a couple of times to correct the most obvious typos and then post it. If I could (aka had the time), I probably should plan the structure of the post before I start writing and maybe let the first draft sit over night and post it the day after, after having read and edited it at least once more.
One reason, why I’m rarely satisfied with my writing, can also be that I’m overly critical of everything I do. But I honestly don’t think that that is the only reason, or even the biggest reason, for why I feel like my writing is bad most of the time.
And ironically, I actually feel that this text turned out quite good…
Explaining my efforts to get more in control of my life.
One day in January I realised, that one reason why I didn’t feel happy about my life in 2016, was that I felt that my life was out of my control. By that I don’t mean that I would have lived recklessly. What I mean is, that I felt like other people made decisions about my life and I didn’t have a say in it. For example. during spring I applied for dozens of jobs, but ended up only getting the jobs I didn’t apply for, but which were offered to me by someone I knew. I probably should be proud about that, but I mainly feel that I had to take those jobs, because I didn’t have any other plans.
So, I decided in January, that I want to take back control over my life. I know there are a lot of things I can’t control, but there are also things that I can control, most importantly my time management. There are so many things I want to do, or want to do more, but it feels like I don’t have time for them. And then I end up playing some silly online games or channel surfing for hours… So, I decided to make more of an effort to actually do the things I want to do, instead of wasting my time on something unimportant.
To help me with this goal, I started bullet journaling. If you don’t know what that is about, you can find some information here. At first I tried to follow the original layout and instructions, but it didn’t really work for me. Now I think I have found quite a good monthly layout for me, but my weekly and/or daily layouts are still a work in progress. I’m not 100% sure that this method of journaling and organising my days is the best for me though. I feel that I would prefer a more traditional calendar or planner, but with plenty of room for daily notes, while still showing one week in one spread and being small enough to carry in a handbag. Monthly views would be quite usefull too… (Now I’m just dreaming.) But we’ll see how this bullet journal thing will work out.
The other thing is, that my bullet journal is only for my personal life, and I feel that there isn’t that many tasks for me to write down. I then end up writing down even the smallests of things, which seems a bit silly (though to be fair, more ofthen than not I would forget those small tasks if I hadn’t written then down…). In my professional life I think I could benefit more from using a bullet journal, but I feel like I wouldn’t have time to keep it. I need to do my work, not plan it.
One thing I absolutely love about bullet journal, is that it’s not only a calendar, it’s also a notebook. I haven’t used many notebooks before, because I think they are messy and it’s difficult to find anything from them. But in bullet journal you have an index and page numbers, so it should be easier to find things you have written down earlier. (I find it silly how revolutionary a thought about usng an index in a notebook felt to me… I mean, come on, it’s not like an index is a new thing or anything…)
I think I’d like to write more about what kind of things I put in my bullet journal, but this post is starting to be quite long already, so I think I leave it for another post.
Thanks for reading! 🙂
In 2016 I graduated, found a job and had my first serious crush. And yet, I think it wasn’t a very good year…
I know, I might be a bit late with this particular post, but I have really wanted to write about this since the beginning of the year, but haven’t had time to do so before. So, I’m going to write a little bit about what the year 2016 was like for me. The reason why I wanted to write about this is that even though many seemingly good things happened to me, I actualy feel that 2016 wasn’t a good year for me and I wasn’t really that happy.