I didn’t really had any idea what to write about today, so I started to read my old posts to maybe get some ideas from those. I found this one post about my dream job from about 18 months ago, and realised that this same thing has been on my mind recently.
For a while now, I have been thinking, what kind of work I would like to do. To be honest, I have quite a clear picture of what kind of job I would like to have, but I have no idea how to get a job like that.
I’m not saying that I’m unhappy with my current job, but it’s not something I want to do for the rest of my life. I have a decent salary, which allows me to live quite comfortably, but it also often leaves me frustrated and stressed, and I’m not really that interested in the field I’m working in.
I don’t feel inspired to write at all, but I still want to write something today, because it’s been solong since I last wrote anything. Let’s see, what I’m able to come up with…
A post about positive feedback and encouragement
I find it difficult to accept positive feedback and encouragement. When someone compliments me on something, I find myself thinking that they either don’t really mean what they say, and say it only to not to hurt my feelings, or that they are complementing me only because they are unaware of some facts that would make them change their minds.
For a long time, I have had three major dreams that I would like to achieve in my life:
- Get married and have children, preferably three or four at least
- Work as a dancer, a dance teacher or something else relating to dancing
- Buy an appartment from central Helsinki
In theory, I could achieve all these dreams. They aren’t really contradictory, and in fact living in Helsinki would probably be beneficial for a career in dance, since that’s where most of the work opportunities in Finnish dance field are. But when I start to really think about what kind of adjustments to my life is needed to reach each of these dreams, I get the feeling that I’m only realy able to reach only one of these dreams, if even that…
Let’s start with the first one: Get married and have children. For this to come true I should start looking for a boyfriend more actively. To be honest,I woudn’t terribly mind that, but I just don’t know where I should be looking. I’m in the age where, if I want to date someone about my age or older, they are most likely already settled down and have a job and a life in the city they are currently living. Since I don’t want to stay permanently in the city I’m living now, I don’t think there would be much sense to look for a partner here. Since I want to live in Helsinki in the future, it would seem like the most logical place to look for a partner, but that could mean living in a long distance relationship for an indefinite period of time, because I don’t have any idea when I would actually be able to move to Helsinki. Another option would be to look for a partner from anywhere in Finland, but then there is the “risk” that I fall in love with someone who already have a life somewhere else, and might not even want to move to Helsinki.
Then there is the second one: work as a dance professional. This I could achieve by studying dance or, if I’m unable to get into a vocational dance school, I could still keep doing my dance projects on my free time and try to get into the professional dance field that way. But if I went back to studying or started to work in dance field, my income would most likely be considerably smaller than at the moment. This would then mean, that I woulnd’t be able to put as much money on my savings account for a apparment in Helsinki. Also I would probably need to postpone having children, and then I might not be able to have at least as many children as I would want.
Then htere is only the last one left: buying an appartment in central Helsinki. I have pretty much given up on my first dream, and the second one I consider achievable in theory, but highly unlikely. But the last one of my three big dreams I know I can achieve. All I have to do is save money and at some point find a job in Helsinki. It might take a while, but if I’m patient enough I can make it happend. This is why this dream feels maybe the least rewarding of the three: achieving it has nothing to do with my personal abilities and qualities and anybody could do it. But it’s the one that, to me, seems most likely to come true, so maybe that’s the one I should try to achieve.
I’d like to hear your comments and thoughts about dreams and how to keep achieving dreams that seem impossible or at least highly unlikely to ever come true.
Thank you for reading.
I have told here before that I only have a handful of friends, and I’m fine with that. But the fact that I haven’t been able to make new friends since leaving high school, makes me worry that there might be something wrong with me. I don’t feel like I need more friends, but when I feel that people don’t even want to be my friend, it makes me a bit sad.
Some thoughts that a comment from my colleague made me think.
I was planning on writing something here yesterday, but ended up not writing anything. It was mainly because when I sat down to write I felt that I didnt have enugh time and I wasn’t able to consentrate enough to write the post I was planning to write. I feel the post is going to be quite long and it requires quite a lot of planning in order to be coherent and understandable, so I decided to postpone writing it until I have more time and energy to concentrate. But just when I was going to bed I came up with this little thing I could write about, so here you go. It’s a day later than planned but maybe it doesn’t matter.
So, last week I had this one meeting, and when I went to have luch after the meeting I ended up sitting at the same table with one of my colleagues from that meeting. There were our other colleagues there at the same table and at one point, one of them asked this colleague of mine, if he had had a good day so far. His answer was that how it could have been a bad day when he had spent the whole morning sitting across the table from me. This comment of his made me wonder one thing.
I have heard occasionally similar, some might call them semi-flirtatious (I’m not really sure if I should call this flirting, but since I don’t know what else to call it, I do), comments from men I meet regurlarly in my work. For example, in my previous job, I had this regular customer, who sometimes called me “Princess”. I never really mind these comments, but the thing is, they always come from men aged 50 or more. Why is it, that I never heard someone more around my age say these things to me?
Is it that I’m not really pretty enough to attract men’s attention, unless the men are so much older than me that it’s actually my youth that makes me attractive to them? Or is it that the age difference makes the flirting “saver”, because it’s more obvious that they don’t intend it to go anywhere further? I mean, with these men I can just brush it of by thinking that they don’t mean anything by that, and that they are just joking. But if someone I could imagine dating said these things to me, it would make me wonder, what does he mean by that, and is he interested in me or something, and it could lead to some akward situations, especially since these are men I work with.
So, this is what I have been thinking lately. If you have some theories about this, I’d love to hear them!