Sometimes I wonder if not being interested means I’m being prejudiced.

In general I realise that one person can’t be interested in everything, and it would even be unreasonable to expect that. But still, sometimes if a thing I don’t feel interested in involves people, I can’t help but think if I’m being prejudiced or even racist by saying that I’m not interested in it (or them).

Stressing about climate change – what’s enough?

For some time now, climate change has been a big topic in public conversation, and for about a month I’ve been really stressing about it. Mainly I feel guilty about not doing enough to fight against climate change. The problem is that the things I feel like I should do, or more precisely should stop doing, are things that I like very much, and I’m reluctant to give them up.  And this then makes me feel even guiltier, because it’s about the future of our planet, and shouldn’t we all be prepared and willing to do whatever it takes to save it? And how can I be so selfish that I but my enjoyment and pleasure before the future of the whole planet?!

Am I being difficult by sticking to what I want?

Last summer I got into a small fight with my friend when she wanted to do something that I guess we technically had a right to do, but it still felt rude to me, so I refused. During this argument she at one point said to me “Don’t be so difficult.” That sentence really stuck to me and I have been thinking about it ever since. At that time I didn’t disagree with her just to be difficult and out of spite, but maybe I still was acting in a way I shouldn’t have…

Why sex makes me nervous?

For a while now, I’ve been thinking why the thought about having sex with someone makes me so nervous. I understand that I might feel different when situation becomes less hypothetical and I actually have someone to have sex with, but this is what I feel now when I try to imagine it. I have found out four reasons for feeling nervous, two of which are more to do with me and my physical body, and two of which are more about my thoughts.

My thoughts tend to circle around one subject too much

It seems that I can’t stop thinking about that one guy I was seeing for a while last spring, and I still feel guilty about not liking him enough to continue seeing him. Logically thinking I know that I can’t really reason myself into loving someone, and if the isn’t any chemistry, then it doesn’t matter how “perfect” the other person otherwise is. Even with time, it’s not possible to learn to love or even like all people on the planet. But still I feel like should have been able to learn to like this person.

Questioning my thoughts

I have been told many times that I see things as too black and white, good or bad, and I guess that’s true sometimes. But many times I find it almost like a reflex to think about how things might seem for different perspective and can easily see and understand, why other people might think differently than me. I think that these traits together make me question my own wants and reasoning and values (understanding the other side), and then think that maybe I’m wrong and the other one is right (black and white thinking). And since I don’t think I have the right to judge other people and their choices, and I don’t want to challenge other people, I can only think that my opinion is wrong in confrontation.

Feeling extreme guilt about everything

Lately I’ve been feeling guilty about pretty much everything. I feel like I shouldn’t like or want anything I do, because it’s always selfish and inconsiderate towards everyone else. Mostly my guilt is related to climate change and how I’m not doing enough to stop it, but some of it is also based on my relationships with other people.

Starving for touch but can’t stand to be touched

I’ve realised recently that one reason why I don’t want to be in a relationship, might be that I don’t like people, especially people I don’t know, touching me. I have noticed some years ago already, that I avoid touching people without a reason. I mean handshakes and other touching that is appropriate for the given situation is fine, but other than that I’d rather not let other people touch me. I have one very awkward photo from my graduation, where a distant relative of mine is coming to congratulate me, and while I’m clearly going for a handshake, she is going for a hug.  I have only a few people, a select few of my closest relatives, who I like to hug without any reason. I don’t even hug my friends unless it’s been a very long time since I saw them last, or it’s a special occasion like a birthday. And I’m talking about people I’ve known for from ten to twenty years here. How would this work in early stages of dating or in a relationship? I can’t imagine it going very well…

Can love be only a choice?

They say that love is a choice. I get what they mean: when life gets hard, you have to choose to stay in the relationship and work to make it better, and not just leave the minute something seems to go wrong. But can love be just a choice from the beginning? Or does it require some sort of spark or attraction in the beginning?

Is this accepting the situation or giving up?

There are several aspects of my life that I’m not happy about, but lately I’ve stopped trying to change them. But I’m not really sure is it because I’ve accepted the situation (which I think would be a good thing) or have I simply given up trying to change it (which wouldn’t be so good). I have two examples for you.