Hi all 🙂
Sorry, I didn’t post anything last week. I had quite a busy week but I had set a time when I thought I could write something. But when that time came, I was feeling a bit under the weather, and didn’t have the energy to consentrate on something so demanding. Or on anything really… But now I’m here again and feeling a lot better, so let’s get to today’s post.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be around people, because I end up unintentionally hurting their feelings or annoying them. I have written about feeling the need to isolate myself from other people already, but that was for different reasons. When I wrote about this before, the reason I felt I needed to be alone was, that I sometimes find other people’s company exhausting and need some alone time to rest. In this post I feel like I’m isolating myself from others for the sake of others, because I can’t help hurting them.
I started to think about this thing again last weekend when I was visiting my friend. We had an argument on the last day of my visit, because my behaviour annoyed my friend. I wasn’t trying to annoy her, and didn’t really consider my behaviour annoying, but apparently it was. And this made me think all the other times something like this has happened. For example last autumn I sent 2 or 3 nights at my other friend’s place. After the first night she asked me if I could set the sound of my alarm clock on my phone a bit quieter and also if I could make sure to close the door of her room quietly if I go to the loo during the night. She is a light sleeper and I felt awful for being so inconsiderate and not realising I was being too loud… Another example is from about a year ago when I were rehearsing for my dance school recital. After I had done my part I used to sit there and watch this other girl dance her part. I thought she danced well and often smiled to her encouragingly after she had finished. Or that’s what I thought I was doing, because one time she told me how she didn’t like that I was laughing at her after she had gone through her part. Again, I was horrified, because that’s the opposite of what I thought I was doing!
There are also numerous times that I have said something and realised only later that I might have hurt other people’s feelings unintentionally because my words could have been interpreted in a way I didn’t even realise when I said them. So just by being myself I offend and annoy other people and hurt their feelings. For me the easiest solution seems to be to spend less time with other people, because then there is less chances for me to hurt other people.
But am I being selfish again by choosing the solution that easiest for me. I feel like I’m saying that I can’t be bothered to take other people’s feelings into consideration and therefore I’m choosing the easiest way out. Respecting other people’s feelings and taking those into consideration is a basic part of human interaction, so I feel like I’m lazy and rude and selfsentered for not even trying. Though I have to say that I find my way better than just keep doing what your doing and hurting other people on the way. At least I’m trying to do something.
Thank you for reading. I’m not sure if I have time to write anything more this week, and the next week is going to be totally crazy, but I do my best to write something here soon.