“Let me help you”

A post where I explain how other people’s well-meaning behaviour makes me feel like they are trying to control my life.


Last week I wrote about how my mother worries about me, and wants to take care of me by checking in with me regularly by calling or sending textmessages. I find this a bit restricting, because if I don’t answer, my mom tends to panic a bit, but I feel like I can’t really complain about it either, because she is ultimately doing it for my own good. One of my frieds also does sometimes this kind of similar thing that really frustrates me, even though she does it for my benefit.

So, I have this one friend, who is a really lovely person, but sometimes I get a bit annoyed, when I’m shopping with her. She always wants to help me by carrying my handbag or shopping bags while I’m looking for something, even though I don’t feel like I need help with them. I realise that this sound like extremely petty thing to be annoyed with and makes me look ungrateful. I should just learn to “pick my battles” and let her carry my bags if shen wants to. It doesn’t cause me any harm, so why can’t I just be happy that she wants to help me?

To be honest I don’t really mind if she just asks if I need her to carry my bags while I look around the store. Then I can think about it and refuse her help politely, if I feel like I can manage on my own. But sometimes my friend doesn’t even ask and just takes my bags from me, and that’s what I find annoying. I think that I’m not so annoyed about the fact that she wants to help me, but more about the fact that I don’t have a say in the matter when she does so without asking. Like she knows what I need better than I do.

This has also made me think about this situation in a bigger scale. If someone wants to help me, even in a way I don’t really want or need, is it ungrateful to say I don’t want it? For example, if I was looking for a new appartment, and someone I know arranges me (without asking) a good deal from someone they know. Do I have to take the offered appartment, even if it’s not something I would have taken if I had found it on my own? (I mean, if there’s nothing actually wrong with the appartment, but I’m just not thrilled with the layout or the area for example.) I mean, they are just trying to help me and it’s not doing me any harm…

I feel like since I moved from home, I have become more sensitive to people trying to control my life. Because I feel like that’s what they are trying to do, when my mom is worrying about me all the time and needing to know where I’m going, and what I’m doing, and that I have gotten home safely; and when my friend deciding to help me without even asking. I’m capable of taking care of myself and I can ask for help if I need it, but otherwise, could all just let me live my life the way I want to? Obviously, I can’t never say this to them because it would most likely hurt their feelings, and I don’t want that.

Next I’m going to write something I’ve realised about me when I’ve been planning and writing these last two posts. Hopefully I’ll be able to post it later this week.

Thanks for reading!


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