Reflecting year 2016

In 2016 I graduated, found a job and had my first serious crush. And yet, I think it wasn’t a very good year…

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I know, I might be a bit late with this particular post, but I have really wanted to write about this since the beginning of the year, but haven’t had time to do so before. So, I’m going to write a little bit about what the year 2016 was like for me. The reason why I wanted to write about this is that even though many seemingly good things happened to me, I actualy feel that 2016 wasn’t a good year for me and I wasn’t really that happy.

In the beginning of the year I graduated from university of applied sciences. I even got a little monetary¬† reward for good grades from my school. Well done me, right? Except that it didn’t relly feel like an achievement for me. I didn’t find it hard to get in to the school and my studies weren’t so demanding that I would have ever doubted my ability to graduate. Besides, it was never my dream to study the thing I studied, so there wasn’t even that fullfilment of achieving a long-held dream. For me graduating felt mostly like “so that happened”, and I feel like I should have been happier about it.

The second reason, why I wasn’t happy about graduating was, that I didn’t have a job waiting, and I was unemployed for 3 or 4 months, depending how one defines my situation. Officially I was still student until the end of January, since that is when I got my diploma from my school. In reality though, I had already finished all my courses in December, and in January I was just waiting for the paper work to go through in my school. I realise that being unemployed for 3 months, is relatively short time, but I knew a few people who had found a job almost immediately after graduation (or already had one at the time of the graduation), maybe even had several job offers to choose from, and compared to them I felt like a loser. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I couldn’t help it… Those few months of unemployment seemed to last forever and it was quite depressing time.

Then during a short period in May, I first found a summer job and shortly after that I was recommended for job as a maternity leave substitute startig in autumn. The job I started last autumn is exactly what I studied for and I can see that it’s a really good job opportunity for me. Also, I feel like I should be pleased that I was recommended for the job, and again, I think I should be happier about it than I am. But truth to be told, I didn’t feel like I had any other options than to take the job when it was offered to me. It was a very wise carreer choise and it would have been very difficult to justify turning it down when I didn’t have any other plans or job offers in sight. The lack of options and freedom of choise felt a bit depressing though.

During summer I had my first proper crush. It might seem weird for most, but before last year I have mainly had some celebrity crushes, who don’t even live in the same country as I, and some very mild crushes on my class mates, that have only lasted for few days. At my summer job, there was this one employee though, that I thought was really nice and good looking. I was so happy every time he spoke to me. He didn’t make anything to move things forward though, and neither did I, because I wasn’t really sure wether he was interested in me or not. So, when my summer job ended, I thought I would never see him again. In the end of 2016, I was invited to a Christmas party of my summer job company, and I decided to go, mainly to see him again. After the party, with a lot of encouraging from my friends, I contacted him through social media. His responses didn’t seem that interested though, so I didn’t push it a lot, because I thought that if the situation were reversed, and I weren’t interested, I would find it quite unconfortable. (Ironically, now, only a couple of months later, I actually find myself in a reversed situation… I’ll write about it in more detail later.)

I think that the only big thing that happened to me in 2016 that I’m really happy about, is that I moved to my first own flat. Of course, organising everything and moving was stressfull (even though I didn’t have that many furniture to move), but now I actually prefer my flat to my room at my parents house. My appartment is small and it has its drawbacks, but it’s so pretty and it’s located very wel in the center of the city.

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